I probably misspelled Classico but the Boca - River games starts in 33 minutes.
The River fans rushed the police secruity gates and caused a scene but it looks like everything is ok.
I do want to go to this game someday. It is part of my list of games around the world to go to just to say I've been.
15 days to Elena's first birthday. I was just back at my OB-GYN group Friday to get my last dose of the HPV vaccine and I was recounting the story of her birth.
So in true Ali form - here's one dedicated to my beautiful, rotten, spoiled, incredible little miracle.
I was hoping you'd come around Easter in 06. You would have been a month early, but after the scare of having low amnio fluid a week or two earlier, I was ready to have you out.
Dr. Moon had measured me the week before and my belly was a good 1-2 cm. smaller than the week before and she said in passing that if the ultrasound we were about to have turned out the fluid was too low we'd go to surgery. Our bags were at home, 3 hours away, and your dad and I were like - ummm, we can do it tomorrow morning, but we have to get home to get our stuff (including your carseat).
But all turned out well and you didn't have to come that early, nor did you come around Easter.
My other two preggers friends had their babies soon thereafter. One on a Thursday, I think, and the other on that Sunday morning. You, my dear, were still a month off.
The Friday before your due date Dr. White tried the accupuncture to induce and it didn't work. It would have been nice since Dr. Moon was on call that weekend.
So the next Friday we went in for ultrasound again to check fluid and the normal checkup. The office was running behind but we finally got in and Dr. Moon said if you weren't born over the weekend (Dr. White was on call so we had complete confidence in who would deliver you) we'd induce on Monday night.
Right after we got done Dr. White buzzed over to our side of the office and Dr. Moon told her this was her last shot she had to make the accupuncture work as we were inducing Monday. Dr. White said 'Cool, I love a challenge' and marched us into a free exam room.
As soon as she got the door shut she said, 'You don't want to induce with meds, and we're desperate so I'm going to hit every point. Sorry if this hurts.' The pinki toes were the most painful but still not bad. After 45 minutes we left and headed home, hoping we'd be back the next day bc of the accupuncture.
I woke up the next morning and noticed my mucus plug falling out. I didn't tell anyone in case I was getting my hopes up but I know at that point the accupuncture had at least worked to some degree.
We went over to the abuelos and hung out and I still didn't mention anything but going to Carmel again on Monday for induction. We knew you'd be here by Tuesday.
Dad and I went to bed around 10 that night and everything seemed normal. At 11:48 I woke up as I felt and I swear I also heard a 'pop' and then what felt like a small gush.
I got up and went to the bathroom and sure enough my water had broken.
I yelled at dad from the bathroom to get up and he was completely startled out of a dead sleep. He got me the phone and I called the answering service for the dr's office. Dr. White called back and I told her she had done this to me. Her repsonse - get down here.
As I got dressed and made sure everything was packed dad called abuelos to let them know we were going. Unfortunately they couldn't go with us, but they knew what was going on.
We packed the car and left at 12:15. I didn't feel any pressure or contractions at the time so I drove. I should have known at that point something wasn't quite right but I was more worried about making the 140-some mile drive in the driving rain (it had been raining for almost a week straight).
We were passing the Starbucks at 23 and Ironwood, about 7 minutes into our trip and your dad asked if we could stop. I'm not shitting you - he really did ask. Someday you'll understand the look I gave him. I told him if I was doing ok in Kokomo I'd think about stopping, but we were charging on.
I called aunt Deb to see if should could give the Peru State Police Post a heads up that we were headed that way so they'd not stop us if we were really speeding and I later found out she did call but her fried wasn't working that night. I talked to grandma and grandpa a couple of times, too, to let them know we were all ok, and I called aunt Heather to let her know you'd be here by Monday so she could come see you on her day off.
The drive was uneventful, minus the occassional hydroplaning at 85 mph, and we did the 3-3.5 hour drive in exactly 2 hours. We probably averaged 75 the whole way. Momma never did get stopped by the coppers.
I got set up at the hospital and after 8 attempts they got the IV in my hand. I started having blood pressure issues and my contractions were still nothing so I got pumped up with pitocin and eventually had to have an epidural (after a couple of hits of stadol). My advice to you, young one, if when you have kids they say, you need pitocin, don't let them until you have the epidural. It's not worth enduring. Dr. White did do some accupuncture for pain before they really cranked up the pitocin and it worked, but after a certain point, nothing but major drugs injected into the spinal area will work.
Around 3 p.m. I woke up out of my drug haze to see Dr. White at the foot of my bed saying she thought we had to go to surgery. After several times of saying I didn't want to go to surgery I heard someone say, 'the baby's heartrate is dropping with every contraction and we can stop the contractions and prolong the inevetable or we can go to surgery, which we will have to do anyway.'
At that point we decided to go to surgery. I remember helping Dad get the camera ready and getting wheeled into the hallway. I don't remember much before hearing you cry and Dad say 'It's a girl'. You had done so many acrobatics that the cord had wrapped around your neck twice. Quite the drama queen. The nurses also said you were the diva of that week, too, in the nursery, so it's been predestined. God help us in 8-10 years.
I saw you for a moment before Dad took you to meet Aunt Jena and the grandparents. While I was in recovery grandpa and Jena got photos of you and Dad decided to add the Josephina to your name. You can thank him for the insane length of your name, even though it's goregous. I was on too many drugs at the time to think through the consequence of the long name. I'm sorry you won't be able to spell it before you're 10 years old, but, it's still pretty.
We were in the hospital until Thrusday. Aunt Heather and the abuelos came over on Monday and you saw the other grandparents almost every day. Mom even got some Donatos thanks to grandpa.
Dr. Moon said I could stay an extra day since we had so far to go to get home. When we did get home, Dad had to immediately had to go out and get cat litter because Monty was out and the box was full and I think, milk.
So - thats how you went from riding around with me for 10 months in the car, poking me in the side with that elbow of yours to being here in the flesh - with all your glorious personality.
I love you and I can't believe it's been a year already. I just hope you're ready for a little brother or sister hopefully next year!!!!
Te amo mucho, mi hijita,
momma - aka. La. Sra.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Friday, March 9, 2007
Pain without love
I went to church again on Sunday. It was good and there in that little room where service was being held I realized something -
I really prefer to be around those who have little and value it than the suburbia residents from the church I used to attend.
Does this mean I don't like those I met at the other church, absolutely not, but there is a different depth to the faith of those who don't live in cookie cutter neighborhoods.
I had a friend remark to me once that she walked away from associating herself with the church because all she ever learned there never reconciled to the things she had experienced in her life. You know what - I applaud her for doing that and will almost always support anyone's decision to make that move.
I may yapper on about the things I've learned and that which I know is absolutely true but it doesn't mean that I expect everyone who reads to agree, nor do I do it for the benefit of those who have done the same thing my friend has. I'm not trying to talk them back to a relationship with Jesus - that's something they need to work out themselves in a time that suits them.
I do, however, love a good conversation on different worldviews that can remain civil and deep. It doesn't mean I'm looking to push people into agreeing with my thinking, it just simply means I love having solid discussions and expanding my mind.
This goes back to free will, but if you look at the way most Christians work, especially those who feel more aligned with a political action committee than Jesus, you have the free will to do whatever you like so long as your actions don't go against the Bible - whether or not you have a relationship with Jesus. Free will is so much more than that.
Go back to when Jesus walked the Earth. He really understood free will. One of the main examples is when the wealthy young ruler turns down Jesus's instruction on how to get into the Kingdom. The ruler turned away.
Did Jesus chase after him? No.
Did Jesus lobby a lawmaker to make all people do as he said? No.
Jesus simply went on his way. That's the beauty of free will. We have the choice to pick Jesus or something different. Jesus doesn't typically do things to us to blatently to get our attention. He waits. Granted, I have had my share of spiritual ass kickings that have done more than their fair share of attention getting, but in reality, Jesus simply waits for us to be ready and there are times when we think we're not for a wake-up call but, we should not ignore the small things as sometimes when those are ignored bigger prods could be next.
I like this church not only because the things in the lives of the congregants are not perfect, but in addtion, the preacher has a standard full time job.
I appreciate preachers like that. Too many times those who work in full time Christian work fail to really understand what the outside world goes through because they are trapped in the bubble. It sounded like the preacher had a position that gives him good exposure to all types of people. I think that issues goes back to the reconciliation factor. If you're not around everyday non-Christian types you lose perspective on what many people seem to really be about.
I also like the fact that it is smaller. Too many times I feel that the majority of churches see growth as a sign of prosperity in the faith.
Unfortunately many times it's farther for the truth. Churches that see a great, quick surge in attendance may be compromising message for growth. There are benefits to growing - increased revenue, visible effects of a strong message of Jesus's redemption - but it should be slow. There is no way in some of the churches I've been in that you can effectively continue the growth of the faith of those you have when you have such a fast influx.
Once a church gets sucked into the growth factor it seems as if that's all they really put their focus on. We can bring all these people in and grow and have more masses convert. It's a joke when you look at the things that seem to bring in the growth.
Some churches have gone to building messages solely around pop culture staples like 24, American Idol and The Matrix. Others have cut out so much of their sermons that you get 15 minutes or so of message and the rest is kicking music. That's the entertainment factor.
The biggest let down I see here is the number of half-asses Christians you get when you compromise messages. The people at those churches will retort - but we're seeker driven. Ehhhh - wrong. If you want people who are really seeking a deep relationship with Jesus you won't be entertaining them - you'll be preaching straight from the Holy Spirit and trust me, doing that will NOT grow your church the way you've seen it. The real seekers will relate to pain and hardships and the soul stinging message that goes along with being in those situations.
Those seeking entertainment with a message that makes them think they've gotten some kernal of faith expansion will probably run the other way when a true message of redemption is given. As Kierkgaard said, the true message of Jesus is going to offend people. Its offensive for people to hear they are sinners and in need of redemption. How many peple react poorly when criticism is given, even in love? The half-dozen people I've met that understand the truth know that it's difficult for people to really cheerfully take the truth to heart.
With so many people in churches today who are more entertainment seekers than truth seekers what will happen when that which we have done is tested by the purification fires on the other side of eternity? How many will be left with nothing? Sad to say, most will, and unfortunately, it may not be entirely their fault.
So where did it all go wrong? That's what I'd like to know. It seems like something has been lost in the training of the pastorate. I've discussed, sometimes not so kindly, with those with divinity degrees the basics of the faith and they have no clue. These basic things should have been day 1 of undergrad, but they're leaving graduate studies without this knowledge and then how many people are they putting eternal possession in jeopardy by leading a church with no knowledge?
((Unrelated side note, I just saw a news clip of Michael Jackson and whats wrong with the world when his hair looks better than mine and most of Europe's soccer roster))
I've read more than just a few blog entries lately of people near my age quite unhappy about the state of the church they have been attending or at least the value of the message. There's not a lot that can be done, sadly, except to say something and put yourself at risk of being ostracized or kicked out of your church. I've been through that.
I've also tried to see how many people would comment on some of my more deep postings online and I have not had much biting from readers. That's why discussion is so vital between those who are looking for something better than what bullshit is coming from the pulpit. It's definately not easy to find those who understand or are even willing to discuss their beliefs in a civil way so use them when you find them.
I can go on for hours and hours on different topics and I know that this is quite disjointed, but, there will definately be more of these posts to come. If that turns ya off, sorry, I'll still have normal day to day postings, too.
We're playing tennis tonight so I better get ready.
Chao!
La. Sra.
I really prefer to be around those who have little and value it than the suburbia residents from the church I used to attend.
Does this mean I don't like those I met at the other church, absolutely not, but there is a different depth to the faith of those who don't live in cookie cutter neighborhoods.
I had a friend remark to me once that she walked away from associating herself with the church because all she ever learned there never reconciled to the things she had experienced in her life. You know what - I applaud her for doing that and will almost always support anyone's decision to make that move.
I may yapper on about the things I've learned and that which I know is absolutely true but it doesn't mean that I expect everyone who reads to agree, nor do I do it for the benefit of those who have done the same thing my friend has. I'm not trying to talk them back to a relationship with Jesus - that's something they need to work out themselves in a time that suits them.
I do, however, love a good conversation on different worldviews that can remain civil and deep. It doesn't mean I'm looking to push people into agreeing with my thinking, it just simply means I love having solid discussions and expanding my mind.
This goes back to free will, but if you look at the way most Christians work, especially those who feel more aligned with a political action committee than Jesus, you have the free will to do whatever you like so long as your actions don't go against the Bible - whether or not you have a relationship with Jesus. Free will is so much more than that.
Go back to when Jesus walked the Earth. He really understood free will. One of the main examples is when the wealthy young ruler turns down Jesus's instruction on how to get into the Kingdom. The ruler turned away.
Did Jesus chase after him? No.
Did Jesus lobby a lawmaker to make all people do as he said? No.
Jesus simply went on his way. That's the beauty of free will. We have the choice to pick Jesus or something different. Jesus doesn't typically do things to us to blatently to get our attention. He waits. Granted, I have had my share of spiritual ass kickings that have done more than their fair share of attention getting, but in reality, Jesus simply waits for us to be ready and there are times when we think we're not for a wake-up call but, we should not ignore the small things as sometimes when those are ignored bigger prods could be next.
I like this church not only because the things in the lives of the congregants are not perfect, but in addtion, the preacher has a standard full time job.
I appreciate preachers like that. Too many times those who work in full time Christian work fail to really understand what the outside world goes through because they are trapped in the bubble. It sounded like the preacher had a position that gives him good exposure to all types of people. I think that issues goes back to the reconciliation factor. If you're not around everyday non-Christian types you lose perspective on what many people seem to really be about.
I also like the fact that it is smaller. Too many times I feel that the majority of churches see growth as a sign of prosperity in the faith.
Unfortunately many times it's farther for the truth. Churches that see a great, quick surge in attendance may be compromising message for growth. There are benefits to growing - increased revenue, visible effects of a strong message of Jesus's redemption - but it should be slow. There is no way in some of the churches I've been in that you can effectively continue the growth of the faith of those you have when you have such a fast influx.
Once a church gets sucked into the growth factor it seems as if that's all they really put their focus on. We can bring all these people in and grow and have more masses convert. It's a joke when you look at the things that seem to bring in the growth.
Some churches have gone to building messages solely around pop culture staples like 24, American Idol and The Matrix. Others have cut out so much of their sermons that you get 15 minutes or so of message and the rest is kicking music. That's the entertainment factor.
The biggest let down I see here is the number of half-asses Christians you get when you compromise messages. The people at those churches will retort - but we're seeker driven. Ehhhh - wrong. If you want people who are really seeking a deep relationship with Jesus you won't be entertaining them - you'll be preaching straight from the Holy Spirit and trust me, doing that will NOT grow your church the way you've seen it. The real seekers will relate to pain and hardships and the soul stinging message that goes along with being in those situations.
Those seeking entertainment with a message that makes them think they've gotten some kernal of faith expansion will probably run the other way when a true message of redemption is given. As Kierkgaard said, the true message of Jesus is going to offend people. Its offensive for people to hear they are sinners and in need of redemption. How many peple react poorly when criticism is given, even in love? The half-dozen people I've met that understand the truth know that it's difficult for people to really cheerfully take the truth to heart.
With so many people in churches today who are more entertainment seekers than truth seekers what will happen when that which we have done is tested by the purification fires on the other side of eternity? How many will be left with nothing? Sad to say, most will, and unfortunately, it may not be entirely their fault.
So where did it all go wrong? That's what I'd like to know. It seems like something has been lost in the training of the pastorate. I've discussed, sometimes not so kindly, with those with divinity degrees the basics of the faith and they have no clue. These basic things should have been day 1 of undergrad, but they're leaving graduate studies without this knowledge and then how many people are they putting eternal possession in jeopardy by leading a church with no knowledge?
((Unrelated side note, I just saw a news clip of Michael Jackson and whats wrong with the world when his hair looks better than mine and most of Europe's soccer roster))
I've read more than just a few blog entries lately of people near my age quite unhappy about the state of the church they have been attending or at least the value of the message. There's not a lot that can be done, sadly, except to say something and put yourself at risk of being ostracized or kicked out of your church. I've been through that.
I've also tried to see how many people would comment on some of my more deep postings online and I have not had much biting from readers. That's why discussion is so vital between those who are looking for something better than what bullshit is coming from the pulpit. It's definately not easy to find those who understand or are even willing to discuss their beliefs in a civil way so use them when you find them.
I can go on for hours and hours on different topics and I know that this is quite disjointed, but, there will definately be more of these posts to come. If that turns ya off, sorry, I'll still have normal day to day postings, too.
We're playing tennis tonight so I better get ready.
Chao!
La. Sra.
Monday, February 26, 2007
I've been tagged
I've been tagged by Domi's World to say six wierd things about myself.
So - Here we go!!!
1 - I typically spell becuase wrong. See, I just screwed it up there. Why? Becuase my fingers don't typically work correctly. I know my boss is probably couting how many times I do it in my emails and I'm sure before I leave that job when the grant money is out he'll have a good count and come up with some kind of silly you owe me one penny for eact time you misspell it so he can buy himself a nice car.
Yes, I misspell it that much, along with a lot of other words.
Another wierd thing about my typing is that I use my left hand on the space bar. We were always taught to use the right hand whenever you wanted to space on the keyboard during keyboarding class but you know what, it just never worked out that way. So - here's to all of my typing teachers ..1.. I'm doing it MY way and you know what - it works, so leave it alone.
2- In the light of the astro-nut scandal that includes diapers, I'll let many of you who were never around me as a kid in on a little secret - I wanted to pilot the space shuttle as a kid.
That's right. I wanted to not only go into space, but I wanted to pilot the damn machinery. I still want to be a pilot and had I had good vision and decent math skills I would have done whatever it took to fly in the Navy or Air Force in a fighter jet. My walls were covered in posters of jets as a kid, along with the appropriate shuttle items. My parents took us to the Grissom AFB open house every year and we got to see the demonstrations and I still secretly want to go up in one.
But, I don't have hundreds of thousands of dollars or really good KGB connections in Russia who can put me in a MiG for a short flight so I guess I'll still have to just dream about being a pilot of a fast plane.
3 - I never carried a purse on a daily basis until I was a senior in college. What did I carry you ask? A men's trifold leather wallet (I still have it and was using it in my purse as my billfold until my husband got me a nice Coach card carrier for Christmas). I could keep everything I needed- cash, the one emergency credit card, my insurance card and a couple of spare keys in my wallet in my back pocket. Why carry a purse?
The only reason I started carrying a purse was becuase (see I did it again!) I had purchased a cell phone for my job as a newspaper reporter and didn't want to always stick it in my pocket for fear of losing it. So I bought a small purse that fit well in my bookbag (see, I still really didn't CARRY it even then) and went on with life.
I've since become a purse whore, but, I still only purchase medium size bags (the only big bag you'll probably see me carry is the diaper bag and even then most of the time my purse has to fit into that bag! I'm still anal, aren't I?) and only when there is a good sale. I hate paying full price for purses or shoes. I wish my husband would take a lesson on that.
4 - I used to do gymnastics as a kid. I was never really good at any apparatus but I was very good and diving rolls for some reason. I was also fairly flexible and was either first or second in the contest to do back arches starting from the floor. But, I was too scared of heights and was horribly coordinated for the balance beam and couldn't do a simple handstand so really, much of that was out, so I danced instead. I took jazz dancing lessons. I quit shortly before my fifth year becuase the studio upped their prices and my parents couldn't afford it anymore. I wasn't that great and I couldn't even do splits, but, it was fun, I think, while it lasted.
5 - I can't wear fingernail polish. As soon as I get polish on my fingers my hands start drying out and cracking something awful. I've never figured out why and we've tried many different types of polish, but it always ends up that way. And it seems like no amount of lotion will fix the drying process so, I avoid it like nasty germs but, lavish the loving on my toes. For some reason, my feet don't react the same way, which is good for me becuase for some reason I don't really like the look of 90 percent of fingernail polish on women in person (in mags it looks great, but in person there's just something about it that bugs me) but I think it's awesome on toes. It's like her little secret for the world to see and it's almost impowering.
But, maybe that's because I was never able to wear polish growing up, not even for prom due to my mom's bias against polish, and there's just something amazingly womanly about getting a sweetass pedi and topcoat. Grrrr baby.
6 - I hate to have my facial hair plucked. I do on occassion need to get my brows done and I cannot stand the insanity of plucking. Just do one strip of wax, hurt for 2 seconds and be done. Why prolong the pain?
So - there you go. Six wierd things about me that most of you probably didn't know.
I hope it was enjoyable, or it allowed you to be unbored for more than 30 seconds.
Chao!!
La. Sra.
So - Here we go!!!
1 - I typically spell becuase wrong. See, I just screwed it up there. Why? Becuase my fingers don't typically work correctly. I know my boss is probably couting how many times I do it in my emails and I'm sure before I leave that job when the grant money is out he'll have a good count and come up with some kind of silly you owe me one penny for eact time you misspell it so he can buy himself a nice car.
Yes, I misspell it that much, along with a lot of other words.
Another wierd thing about my typing is that I use my left hand on the space bar. We were always taught to use the right hand whenever you wanted to space on the keyboard during keyboarding class but you know what, it just never worked out that way. So - here's to all of my typing teachers ..1.. I'm doing it MY way and you know what - it works, so leave it alone.
2- In the light of the astro-nut scandal that includes diapers, I'll let many of you who were never around me as a kid in on a little secret - I wanted to pilot the space shuttle as a kid.
That's right. I wanted to not only go into space, but I wanted to pilot the damn machinery. I still want to be a pilot and had I had good vision and decent math skills I would have done whatever it took to fly in the Navy or Air Force in a fighter jet. My walls were covered in posters of jets as a kid, along with the appropriate shuttle items. My parents took us to the Grissom AFB open house every year and we got to see the demonstrations and I still secretly want to go up in one.
But, I don't have hundreds of thousands of dollars or really good KGB connections in Russia who can put me in a MiG for a short flight so I guess I'll still have to just dream about being a pilot of a fast plane.
3 - I never carried a purse on a daily basis until I was a senior in college. What did I carry you ask? A men's trifold leather wallet (I still have it and was using it in my purse as my billfold until my husband got me a nice Coach card carrier for Christmas). I could keep everything I needed- cash, the one emergency credit card, my insurance card and a couple of spare keys in my wallet in my back pocket. Why carry a purse?
The only reason I started carrying a purse was becuase (see I did it again!) I had purchased a cell phone for my job as a newspaper reporter and didn't want to always stick it in my pocket for fear of losing it. So I bought a small purse that fit well in my bookbag (see, I still really didn't CARRY it even then) and went on with life.
I've since become a purse whore, but, I still only purchase medium size bags (the only big bag you'll probably see me carry is the diaper bag and even then most of the time my purse has to fit into that bag! I'm still anal, aren't I?) and only when there is a good sale. I hate paying full price for purses or shoes. I wish my husband would take a lesson on that.
4 - I used to do gymnastics as a kid. I was never really good at any apparatus but I was very good and diving rolls for some reason. I was also fairly flexible and was either first or second in the contest to do back arches starting from the floor. But, I was too scared of heights and was horribly coordinated for the balance beam and couldn't do a simple handstand so really, much of that was out, so I danced instead. I took jazz dancing lessons. I quit shortly before my fifth year becuase the studio upped their prices and my parents couldn't afford it anymore. I wasn't that great and I couldn't even do splits, but, it was fun, I think, while it lasted.
5 - I can't wear fingernail polish. As soon as I get polish on my fingers my hands start drying out and cracking something awful. I've never figured out why and we've tried many different types of polish, but it always ends up that way. And it seems like no amount of lotion will fix the drying process so, I avoid it like nasty germs but, lavish the loving on my toes. For some reason, my feet don't react the same way, which is good for me becuase for some reason I don't really like the look of 90 percent of fingernail polish on women in person (in mags it looks great, but in person there's just something about it that bugs me) but I think it's awesome on toes. It's like her little secret for the world to see and it's almost impowering.
But, maybe that's because I was never able to wear polish growing up, not even for prom due to my mom's bias against polish, and there's just something amazingly womanly about getting a sweetass pedi and topcoat. Grrrr baby.
6 - I hate to have my facial hair plucked. I do on occassion need to get my brows done and I cannot stand the insanity of plucking. Just do one strip of wax, hurt for 2 seconds and be done. Why prolong the pain?
So - there you go. Six wierd things about me that most of you probably didn't know.
I hope it was enjoyable, or it allowed you to be unbored for more than 30 seconds.
Chao!!
La. Sra.
You know what?
*****I WANT TO BE PERFECTLY CLEAR ABOUT THIS POST, NOTHING IS RELATED TO MY JOB IN TERMS OF THE MEANINGS IN HERE, IT'S ALL PERSONAL******
Something in me switched on today.
I don't know why or how, but it did. And you know what, things have to change in my life.
I know exactly what I need to do and I don't know why but there seems to be some urgency about it, as if things are ramping up for a decent attack soon. Where or from who, I don't know.
But, the last time something switched on like this, there was a an attack to be had and I knew exactly what my place in it was and how to deal with it because I was prepared.
There are some things in the very basicness of my life that has to fundamentally move into places I've not been in a while. The last time things like this had to shift I lost the one I loved, my home, and contact with just about all the people I cared about. I was left with just a couple of close friends who could direct me in the things I needed to focus on and all the other distractions were violently removed from my life.
I'm thinking I won't need something like that again because I know the switch on what needs to happen has flipped, but you know what, I can handle it if I get myself back to the place I was during that time. Hell, I can take on anything including the beasts of Hell itself - it wouldn't be the first time I've looked them in the eye and laughed.
So you know what - fuck just about everything. I know what needs to be done and how to do it and nothing else but that matters and if I lose just about everything and everyone again, so be it. This has to take precidence.
A bit cryptic, I know, but I know what I'm doing.
La. Sra.
Something in me switched on today.
I don't know why or how, but it did. And you know what, things have to change in my life.
I know exactly what I need to do and I don't know why but there seems to be some urgency about it, as if things are ramping up for a decent attack soon. Where or from who, I don't know.
But, the last time something switched on like this, there was a an attack to be had and I knew exactly what my place in it was and how to deal with it because I was prepared.
There are some things in the very basicness of my life that has to fundamentally move into places I've not been in a while. The last time things like this had to shift I lost the one I loved, my home, and contact with just about all the people I cared about. I was left with just a couple of close friends who could direct me in the things I needed to focus on and all the other distractions were violently removed from my life.
I'm thinking I won't need something like that again because I know the switch on what needs to happen has flipped, but you know what, I can handle it if I get myself back to the place I was during that time. Hell, I can take on anything including the beasts of Hell itself - it wouldn't be the first time I've looked them in the eye and laughed.
So you know what - fuck just about everything. I know what needs to be done and how to do it and nothing else but that matters and if I lose just about everything and everyone again, so be it. This has to take precidence.
A bit cryptic, I know, but I know what I'm doing.
La. Sra.
Driver's Education
Thanks to my dad for helping this along.
He can deal with the ramifications in a few years.
I'll try to get a few more pics up here soon.
Hope everyone is well!
He can deal with the ramifications in a few years.
I'll try to get a few more pics up here soon.
Hope everyone is well!
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
I come from the land of snow, but not ice
I'm not nearly snowed in as those in NY, but, the drifts in the driveway are annoyning.
I had trouble getting into the driveway today after picking up the lass from Martas. I had to get a couple of running starts but I finally made it. I was NOT parking in the street tonight. I just hope the hubby can make it into the driveway tonight when he gets home.
He does have an advantage as he's got and all wheel drive vehicle, even if it is only a car.
__________________
Interesting few weeks
Between runs to and from Indy and having my meetings this week moved to next due to the wx I think I'm finally getting back into the swing of life.
The one bad part of the job is that sometimes you get so swamped doing different things for the jurisdictions you work with that you never get much of anything done for anyone. I think things have calmed down where I can get some things hammered out that I've been waiting to do. The next day or so in the home office should help get that finished and then the meetings from this week are now next week so I'll be working out of the area, but maybe next week toward the end of the week I can hit up the seven counties I haven't seen in close to a month.
Its completely frustrating, but, that's the nature of the job.
I've also made some other interesting observations from the world around me the past few weeks:
1. Some people can't see past themselves for the greater good of people. Its my right to do this - its my right to make your choice for you when you can't afford something that could save your life. Are people really that small?
2. Those not in a right relationship with Jesus can do great, and they can have heartbreaking lives. Those in the latter are those I can do nothing for person to person and that's frustrating. They wither away in their misery with no joy or a twisted happiness that lasts for brief moments. It breaks your heart to see them in that state but nothing you say or do can really make a difference until they're wiling to comes to grips with Jesus, no matter how much they despise religion and all things pertaining (or even having a mild discussion) on their philosophies.
3. I actually went to church Sunday. It was interesting. I didn't disagree with much the preacher said, although the one thing that kind of tipped my warning flags was he related sickness with an attack of evil. I'm not so much into that completely. Yes, evil can have dominion in the physical, I've seen it happen before, but on the whole, I really think it goes to God allowing it to happen for whatever reason, good or bad. It could be a test of faith, it could be a spiritual ass kicking. That's between the person and God, but I don't see most illnesses/physical ailments an attack.
4. You really see the true character of people when they are at their worst. Most of the time they can come through with shining colors and although it may be bad, you still respect them in the end. Other times, their pain takes over and breaks your heart in how ugly humanity can really be and reveals more of the dysfunction a life can have without a right relationship with Jesus. Again, there's nothing you can say to those people until they're ready to see themselves in the ugliness of humanity as Jesus sees them and accept the changes that need to happen to get through the pain.
5. I think I may actually go back to church on Sunday. It all really hinges on when the baby wakes up. The weekend is the time I really hate waking her up before we have to b/c we have to wake her up early most weekday mornings. So far, I think this is a church where the truths I know will be given a fair listening and a civil reaction from those who may not agree, unlike what I would expect at most churches. We'll see how it goes. It may not be where I end up in the end, but it seems like a good jumping off point to get back in to church.
6. My daughter's stomach just isn't big. She's been sick and only gained 2 oz in 2 weeks. She's still on the growth chart but in the low teens in terms of weight for her age. The doc wants her up to 30 oz of breastmilk a day and that's going to deplete the stash much sooner than I had hoped. Because it won't make it till May we're going to have to suppliment with formula. After the reaction to the yogurt I think we're going to start with soy based formula. If we suppliment one bottle (or do two half formula half breastmilk bottles ) a day I think we stretch the amount of breastmilk I have frozen as I'm only pumping 2 to 6 oz a day and she's going through almost 12 oz during that time - you can see the difference. But, we're having trouble getting her to eat 25 oz a day plus the other stuff without being on the verge of spitting up and her stomach all distended so it'll be intersting to see how we can space the feedings out to allow her to eat but not gorge. This is completely frustrating. I just wish the nursing had gone better. Maybe it'll be better with the next baby.
7. I really have to get my head out of my ass. I have so many things I get distraught about and I don't know some of the things I should be doing vs. what I want to do and the things I need to do always takes a backseat. I can be a complete lazyass. After working all day and trying to pump the baby full of food I want to do NOTHING (except maybe watch a good TV show or say howdy on the blogs). Like in the past few weeks in my professional life I feel like there are so many things going on that I can't get any one thing tackled. In addition I still really want to go get my masters degree but part of me can't wait until the day I can stay home but then I worry that I will go crazy with no adult interaction. This is where the whole right relationship with Jesus comes in. I'm definately not where I used to be and it's irritating at the core of who I am.
7b. I still haven't recovered from the grief of losing Rich. I used to think that when I started dating my now husband I stepped away from really focusing on Jesus and my relationship with him. However, I realize that it really was when Rich got very sick and I didn't talk to him for the few weeks before he died. It makes a difference in terms of the passion you have for something when you have someone to share the excitement of what you learn. I have a couple other people that are those kindred spirits but one is now in Texas and I rarely hear from her and the other is having some personal issues of her own and I don't call her nearly as much as I should. I have to get past the grief and the heartache or I'm going to stay stagnant and I don't want that.
8. I love the show 'Heroes'. It's completely addicting. It makes me enjoy waking up to a Monday.
______________________
It's after 10:30 and I need to grab some sleep. I can't manage to get enough sleep at nights anymore. No matter how early I go to bed I cannot get up in the morning and feel rested. I was hoping to get to bed right after I put the baby down a couple of hours ago, but, obviously that didn't happen.
Everybody stay safe!!!!!!
La. Sra.
I had trouble getting into the driveway today after picking up the lass from Martas. I had to get a couple of running starts but I finally made it. I was NOT parking in the street tonight. I just hope the hubby can make it into the driveway tonight when he gets home.
He does have an advantage as he's got and all wheel drive vehicle, even if it is only a car.
__________________
Interesting few weeks
Between runs to and from Indy and having my meetings this week moved to next due to the wx I think I'm finally getting back into the swing of life.
The one bad part of the job is that sometimes you get so swamped doing different things for the jurisdictions you work with that you never get much of anything done for anyone. I think things have calmed down where I can get some things hammered out that I've been waiting to do. The next day or so in the home office should help get that finished and then the meetings from this week are now next week so I'll be working out of the area, but maybe next week toward the end of the week I can hit up the seven counties I haven't seen in close to a month.
Its completely frustrating, but, that's the nature of the job.
I've also made some other interesting observations from the world around me the past few weeks:
1. Some people can't see past themselves for the greater good of people. Its my right to do this - its my right to make your choice for you when you can't afford something that could save your life. Are people really that small?
2. Those not in a right relationship with Jesus can do great, and they can have heartbreaking lives. Those in the latter are those I can do nothing for person to person and that's frustrating. They wither away in their misery with no joy or a twisted happiness that lasts for brief moments. It breaks your heart to see them in that state but nothing you say or do can really make a difference until they're wiling to comes to grips with Jesus, no matter how much they despise religion and all things pertaining (or even having a mild discussion) on their philosophies.
3. I actually went to church Sunday. It was interesting. I didn't disagree with much the preacher said, although the one thing that kind of tipped my warning flags was he related sickness with an attack of evil. I'm not so much into that completely. Yes, evil can have dominion in the physical, I've seen it happen before, but on the whole, I really think it goes to God allowing it to happen for whatever reason, good or bad. It could be a test of faith, it could be a spiritual ass kicking. That's between the person and God, but I don't see most illnesses/physical ailments an attack.
4. You really see the true character of people when they are at their worst. Most of the time they can come through with shining colors and although it may be bad, you still respect them in the end. Other times, their pain takes over and breaks your heart in how ugly humanity can really be and reveals more of the dysfunction a life can have without a right relationship with Jesus. Again, there's nothing you can say to those people until they're ready to see themselves in the ugliness of humanity as Jesus sees them and accept the changes that need to happen to get through the pain.
5. I think I may actually go back to church on Sunday. It all really hinges on when the baby wakes up. The weekend is the time I really hate waking her up before we have to b/c we have to wake her up early most weekday mornings. So far, I think this is a church where the truths I know will be given a fair listening and a civil reaction from those who may not agree, unlike what I would expect at most churches. We'll see how it goes. It may not be where I end up in the end, but it seems like a good jumping off point to get back in to church.
6. My daughter's stomach just isn't big. She's been sick and only gained 2 oz in 2 weeks. She's still on the growth chart but in the low teens in terms of weight for her age. The doc wants her up to 30 oz of breastmilk a day and that's going to deplete the stash much sooner than I had hoped. Because it won't make it till May we're going to have to suppliment with formula. After the reaction to the yogurt I think we're going to start with soy based formula. If we suppliment one bottle (or do two half formula half breastmilk bottles ) a day I think we stretch the amount of breastmilk I have frozen as I'm only pumping 2 to 6 oz a day and she's going through almost 12 oz during that time - you can see the difference. But, we're having trouble getting her to eat 25 oz a day plus the other stuff without being on the verge of spitting up and her stomach all distended so it'll be intersting to see how we can space the feedings out to allow her to eat but not gorge. This is completely frustrating. I just wish the nursing had gone better. Maybe it'll be better with the next baby.
7. I really have to get my head out of my ass. I have so many things I get distraught about and I don't know some of the things I should be doing vs. what I want to do and the things I need to do always takes a backseat. I can be a complete lazyass. After working all day and trying to pump the baby full of food I want to do NOTHING (except maybe watch a good TV show or say howdy on the blogs). Like in the past few weeks in my professional life I feel like there are so many things going on that I can't get any one thing tackled. In addition I still really want to go get my masters degree but part of me can't wait until the day I can stay home but then I worry that I will go crazy with no adult interaction. This is where the whole right relationship with Jesus comes in. I'm definately not where I used to be and it's irritating at the core of who I am.
7b. I still haven't recovered from the grief of losing Rich. I used to think that when I started dating my now husband I stepped away from really focusing on Jesus and my relationship with him. However, I realize that it really was when Rich got very sick and I didn't talk to him for the few weeks before he died. It makes a difference in terms of the passion you have for something when you have someone to share the excitement of what you learn. I have a couple other people that are those kindred spirits but one is now in Texas and I rarely hear from her and the other is having some personal issues of her own and I don't call her nearly as much as I should. I have to get past the grief and the heartache or I'm going to stay stagnant and I don't want that.
8. I love the show 'Heroes'. It's completely addicting. It makes me enjoy waking up to a Monday.
______________________
It's after 10:30 and I need to grab some sleep. I can't manage to get enough sleep at nights anymore. No matter how early I go to bed I cannot get up in the morning and feel rested. I was hoping to get to bed right after I put the baby down a couple of hours ago, but, obviously that didn't happen.
Everybody stay safe!!!!!!
La. Sra.
Monday, January 29, 2007
The world of dairy allergies
Luckily, Elena didn't have any trouble breathing during this reaction, but, she had us concerned for a while. The poor babysitter was feeding her yobaby and rice cereal when this happened. She almost called 911. Three days of Benadryl fixed the issue and no more yobaby for the next several months.
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