Back to Good

Laying in bed, head pounding
Too sick to stand, too tired to sleep.

But alas the running of little feet,
The happy hollers from three rooms away,
That change on a dime to disgruntled screams
Are only a sign that at least a couple of us in the house
Are back to good after a long week's mess.

Selah

La. Sra.

©Kristen Garcia 2/2011

Smorgisboard

The temperatures have risen just enough to make the snow melt and what is left behind be heavy. If it could just stay this warm for another day my driveway would probably be down to the concrete, but I have a feeling that's not going to be happening.

I was going to get to this over the weekend since the kids were not here, but, I decided to veg and lay in bed half of my Saturday and do absolutely nothing the rest of the day. Its a rare convergence of situations that I try not to pass up. I probably won't see another day like that for a good 4+ months.

So - here are some of the newest nuggets from my spirit, in no particular order:
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Ps. 138:2 AMP (thank you Bible Gateway.com):
²I will worship toward Your holy temple and praise Your name for Your loving-kindness and for Your truth and faithfulness; for You have exalted above all else Your name and Your word and You have magnified Your word above all Your name!

The item in this passage that caught me was the part about the word being above the name. For some reason that perplexed me. Isn't His Name above all things?? All things would include His Word, no?

Then the Holy Spirit made an interesting point - what good is His Name if His Word means nothing? It is the Word, and His faithfulness to watch over His Word and keep His Word that is the foundation for His Name carrying the weight that it does.

How many people do we have in our lives that promise to do this or that or be on time or anything and then fail us? How many of us would be willing to risk our own reputations to give a positive recommendation of those people for jobs or for others to befriend? Very few of us would - or we would but be very open about the serious shortcomings in those peoples' trustworthiness.

Their names would mean nothing because their own disregard for integrity would have brought their name down in weight.

Action - or inaction - on what we have said determines the way our names are magnified - and God is no different.

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Son vs. Holy Spirit

Mark 3:28-9 (NIV Biblegateway.com)
Truly I tell you, people can be forgiven all their sins and every slander they utter, ²⁹ but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; they are guilty of an eternal sin.”

Ahhh the 3 in 1 Godhead. All parts are equal, right? So, how if, in the time of this text, slandering Jesus Himself can be forgiven, but, go after the Holy Spirit and it's Hellfire, pestilence, brimstone and NO SOUP for you?! This didn't seem to make sense.

Verse 30 goes on to say that He said this because the scribes were saying Jesus had a demon/was of Beelzebub, but that still didn't seem to explain why there would be this break in equality of the Trinity.

The more I meditated on this the more it was revealed that, in this time, Jesus still had not died, therefore had not yet risen again or ascended so the Holy Spirit was still in a holding pattern around Him, waiting for the moment at Pentecost to be released among the entire Earth.

At this point, people could still take Him or leave Him in His statement of being the Son of Man/God. They could refuse Him because His greatest act had not yet been done. It was still conceivable to the Jews that He really was just a super-prophet - the return of Elijah - working side-by-side with John the Baptist and the predecessor to the Messiah.

That disbelief and rejection could still be forgiven.

But to reject the Holy Spirit would pretty much (not totally) have to come at Pentecost and later. At a point where Jesus had already died, risen and ascended. His victory over all things at that point had been secured and to reject Him as the Messiah and the evidence of Him through the Holy Spirit crosses that line.

Now, I'll be the first to admit (and my bff will not hesitate to concur b/c she's usually the one chiding me) I've called God a liar, even for brief moments. Anytime we say something is totally impossible we call God a liar.

Does that condemn me to Hell and NO SOUP for me?! Ummm, I've gotten good enough that as soon as I hear my spirit say something like that I catch myself and repent - so as long as I don't die in the 3 seconds between uttering it in my heart and repenting I'm probably OK, he he. But it takes work to re-train the mind to really truly believe all the things that He has said and promised.

Like a husband. God knows I know He's said a good one is on the way. But dammit, if I don't get him in my life soon by the time he does show up I'm gonna be like 'Ummmmm, you weren't here when I really needed you so, um, I can live without. Thanks for playing though.' And send him packing. Poor thing wouldn't have a chance. And don't think I'm not that stubborn.

And trust me, after seeing a bunch of guys at O'Hare Airport walking around in skinny jeans I can be celibate for the rest of my life without ANY issues. My mental eye has been forever burned with those nasty images - worse than when I was a swimmer, believe it or not!

But it is what God has promised. And I do want it - I want it ALL - even if it is seemingly after a season of when I could really use it (like the husband and a great breakthrough in my finances). The Holy Spirit whispers to us (and sometimes screams it at us) the Word and the meditations of the Heart of God.

And, to tag into the previous post - if His Word is worthless, so is His Name. He is faithful to do what He says He will do - and the Holy Spirit reminds us of this - to say that what the Holy Spirit reveals is fake and lies is to do what is mentioned in verse 29 - it calls God a liar and reveals our lack of faith and trust and is a signal of unbelief.

Its a daily battle, but one that is slowly becoming one in which I am more and more victorious. I would like to not grieve His heart as much. Greatness is to be bestowed to those willing to receive it.

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I am continually reminded of something Apostle said at the end of a song on 24/7:

'We are that company of people who dare to believe that You are who the Bible says You are; You can do what the Bible says You can do; and we can have what the Bible says we can have; and we can do what the Bible says we can do; and we are that group of people who are crazy enough to just believe it and bet our lives on it - day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year.'

God will have His people - and I surely will be part of that heritage. And yes, I'd bet my life on any and all of His promises any day, any time, minus the few seconds of unbelief that manifests every now and then (yes, I know the man of my dreams is on his way and my provision is secured).

He either is God and all His Word is infallible - every last letter - or we can't trust any of it - including the birth, death, resurrection and ascension of Jesus - the very foundation of our salvation - and where does that really leave us? Bordering on the NO SOUP for you line with the other goats that have been weeded out of the herd.

He is the I AM. Plain and simple. And I love that, and trust that. He's the only faithful real man I've ever had (Monty's been eunuched so he can't count, sorry sweetie) and His Word is Truth. Hmm, time for that soup ;)

Peace!
La. Sra.

Jesus Wept

I was driving down the road a week or so ago and there was a Gospel song on the radio. I was half-listening to it but I caught enough words to realize they were discussing Lazarus' callback from the dead.

I thought on that event and remembered this was the passage where Jesus wept. And I began to wonder why.

Why would the Son of God be weeping when He knows He is capable of all things, including raising the dead?

What would cause Him to be so moved?

And I got an interesting answer from the Holy Spirit.

He wept because He realized and felt the despair the family and friends had in their hearts because He had not yet conquered death through His own death and resurrection. The promise of Heaven was not yet undeniably secured for humans and death was still a sentence - yet Mary and Martha still hoped and believed on Him.

He was agitated because He hated death and knew at that moment the world was still bound by its power. He knew he could call Lazarus back from the grave but the sentence of death would still be in place.

He was torn in His spirit because He agonized over what was soon coming with the Passover and His crucifixion and how He was going to suffer (remember the drops of blood-sweat in the Garden) but He was also acutely anxious and chomping at the bit at that moment to see it come so the end of the sentence of death could be eradicated.

All those emotions, and more that what I had been told, swirling in His spirit. Enough to bring weeping tears to His eyes.

We've all been there. The times we live the overwhelming emotions that you understand why people in the OT used to rend their clothes. The times we just want to scream and get it ejected from our own spirits so we can focus even more intently on the duty we are assigned to do.

He lived that, too. And after His release He raised the dead. We don't have a High Priest who didn't experience what we do on a daily basis. He's the perfect intercessor.

What comes for us after we push through the emotions?

Below is an excerpt from the passage:

John 11 (From the Amplified, compliments of BibleGateway.com):

³⁰Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still at the same spot where Martha had met Him.

³¹When the Jews who were sitting with her in the house and consoling her saw how hastily Mary had arisen and gone out, they followed her, supposing that she was going to the tomb to pour out her grief there.

³²When Mary came to the place where Jesus was and saw Him, she dropped down at His feet, saying to Him, Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.

³³When Jesus saw her sobbing, and the Jews who came with her [also] sobbing, He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. [He chafed in spirit and sighed and was disturbed.]

³⁴And He said, Where have you laid him? They said to Him, Lord, come and see.

³⁵Jesus wept.

Jesus looks kinda like Mario Batali

This is as best as I can remember a dream I had about 6 weeks ago. The more I meditated on it the more it was revealed that it was more in relation to my marriage with Jesus than anything dealing with a human man. I've been reminded of this dream by the Holy Spirit often since I had it and it has brought comfort in lonely times.

It wasn't until the end of the dream that I saw the actual 'man' I was with - and I cannot remember if he had the ponytail or not, but everything about him screamed 'Mario Batali' - thus the origin of the title of this piece.

__________________________________

Italy one night, Paris the next. The French Riviera the next week, back to New York City after that.

Trips of a lifetime, but they are the norm. Parties that includes names the whole world knows, but he is never too far from me.

There is a tender protection everywhere we go and a pride in his voice as he introduces me to everyone. They are there for him, but he cannot help but defer to me.

Even after a long night he still finds the time to make me my favorite dessert and make sure I ate. The finest and my favorites all in one.

A private jet, the finest homes, the best hotels - such grandeur and splendor I never thought I'd see. And I stand in awe that for some reason this man picked me. There are those who are smarter, more beautiful, but yet he chooses me.

And then a new surprise, a beautiful boat. It's older, but he's proud of it. A new retreat and he says he got it for me.

Along with some friends I begin walking through the newest gift, taking in every inch and turn.

I mention to the friend that I am in total awe of my life and the love he has for me. I say, almost in a lamenting way, that he sometimes is just so incredibly silly.

She stops and looks at me incredulously.
'You know why, right?' she says. 'Even with all the things he has and does the greatest thing of beauty he wants is to see you smile. He gets silly because he knows that will get you to smile. It's his greatest treasure.'

We keep walking around the boat. The wallpaper is ugly.

Two-tone brown in tiny vertical stripes - it reminds me of a tasteful and sophisticated wrapping paper my parents had used one Christmas - fantastic on a gift but sucks as a wall covering.

'You hate it,' he says - I guess I can't hide my distaste for it. 'I knew you would, but I left it so you could pick out the replacement,' he says with a wry smile and a soft nuzzle.

As we leave he begins, ahead of me, the walk down the long staircase.

He starts jumping down it - several steps at a time - reaching the landing with a 'thud'. He turns and looks up at me with a huge smile.

I chuckle and give him an equally large smile - his greatest treasure.

And in the smallest and lighthearted of moments I love him more than ever before.

I confess - I lied!

For many years I operated under the false assumption that I was not a 'high maintenance and demanding B#!*h'.

In some ways, I really am not.

But then again. I really am very demanding when it comes to a serious, marriage caliber, relationship.

So, to confess - I lied. I'm sorry I said I wasn't demanding and high maintenance, please forgive me for not telling the truth.

Because the truth is - I am.

And, I make no apologies for that.

I mean, really, what is so wrong with having a high expectation of how I expect a man to be? Especially if:

1 - has the remote inkling he wants to be my husband;

2 - claims to be a Christian;

3 - I've experienced that kind of amazing love before so I know it's possible for a man to put for the effort to love in that kind of way (and he was in such a close relationship to Jesus it was actually possible for him to love me in an incredible way) and be successful in that endeavor;

and

4 - by the Blood of Jesus that bought me from Hell I'm worth being treated well and not having less that what the death of Jesus affords me to have.

What's wrong with that - ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

I only wish more women and churches would hold their men to the standard God does without fear that their men would punk out and run away from them. If they run, let them run - God's got you ladies - and Bodies.

Your true Husband's got you whether or not the men stay around.

So, oh, probably a few weeks ago I got this crazy idea where I wondered what an 'application' to date me would look like. What would I put in it? How involved would it be?

It kept creeping into my mind and more and more I had questions develop until it pretty much ate at me and I had to put it down into a visible form to get it out of my head.

It took about two hours to develop and is in the post below. It is partially serious in nature. It is partially incredibly absurd for the sake of being absurd.

As serious as I take myself, I don't take myself THAT seriously.

Ok, maybe I do and I'm lying again. :)

The sad thing is, nearly every single question was developed from some kind of event I have lived through in my life or saw others live through.

Kind of like those crazy rules at camp - thou shalt not toss a wild animal from a moving vehicle unless it is attacking you - they're written because it happened.

I can safely say I can laugh about 95% of the origins of these questions.

And no, I've never dated a drag queen - that I know of!

This is really for entertainment purposes and I pray my unmarried girlfriends get a huge laugh out of this. I've probably put down onto 'paper' what has gone through their minds for a long time.

If any of you have suggestions of other questions (absurd or otherwise) to add, go for it. I'm putting it out there with a smile.

And, before you ask, no - I wouldn't ever ask a man to complete this.

And the expectations I hold a man to - I am more than willing to pour every ounce of my being into helping them achieve it IF AND WHEN they are in a state where they become teachable and are willing to have my support.

I would never demand/expect something from someone if I was not willing to put any and all energy into getting it done. I cannot do it for you or spoon feed you - but, if you're willing to pour yourself into it - so am I. Therein lies the difference.

However, this is insight into my mind and how it works when marriage and my family is on the line.

And - a question that everyone seems to be rhetorical, but it really isn't - where are the unmarried Men of God that are not repulsive in the natural?

All I ever come across are Men of God that are married or so repulsive in the natural (including vile words that slide off their tongues meant to flatter and seduce and put things out of Order, not just in my life, but the church as well) they are immediately rejected

- OR -

men that are decent in the natural that are have no strength of faith and in desperate need of spiritual deliverance who run at the first hint of being held to a standard they don't want to believe exists because their church refuses to teach it for fear of losing massive amount of congregants and their checkbooks.

I mean, really, WHERE ARE THE REAL, UNMARRIED, DECENT MEN OF GOD?????

But alas - I hope you enjoy this. One person has already said it makes Eharmony look like child's play.

Peace, Joy, Blessings, Love, and Laughter -

La. Sra.

Do you feel lucky? Well, do ya?

Dating ‘Questionnaire’

Thank you for your interest in a serious dating relationship. Before I consider a serious suitor there are a few things I’d like to know about you.

Please fill the following ‘questionnaire’ out in its entirety. Feel free to use as many sheets of paper as needed or present your answers in a way that reflects your personality.

If using a non-visual media method of responding to these questions, please print off the ‘questionnaire’ and hand-write your responses.

Minimum word requirements for essays may be waived if your answer is revelatory and thought-provoking enough that you can do it in less.

Also, please include a recent photo of yourself with the questionnaire.

May Jesus be with you as you fill this out.

General Information:

Name:

Birthday:

Address:

Years at this address:

If less than 5 years, give former addresses:

Email:

What gender were you when you were born?

How many times have you been married:

Number of children you have:

Number of children you may have fathered but are not sure if they are yours:

Total number of children you pay support for, the number of women you owe support to, and the total amount of support you pay per month:

Pets:

Facebook page:

Blog url:

MySpace page:

Twitter account:

LinkedIn account:

Name, phone number and e-mail of the last woman you seriously dated/were married to:

Have you ever been arrested (include juvenile offenses)? If yes, date, arresting charge, state and county/city of the arrest:

Have you ever been convicted of a crime (including juvenile offenses)? If yes, date, arresting charge, state and county/city of the arrest:

Church Background:

Church you currently attend:

Years at current church:

If less than 5, list all former churches and the reason(s) you left:

Activities you are involved in at your church:

Why did you choose this congregation?

Medical Information:

Do you smoke or use any tobacco products EVER?

Do you carry health insurance? If so, is it through your employer or are you self-insured:

Height, Weight and BMI:

Blood Type:

Please list any chronic health issues you have and how they are managed:

Are you on any routinely taken medications (including for mental health issues and vitamins/OTC drugs)? If so, for what conditions and why?

When was the last time you saw a doctor and why:

When was the last time you saw your doctor for a routine physical?

Did that physical include a PSA or digital prostate exam?

Do you perform regular testicular cancer checks on yourself?

Have you ever been on short-term or long-term disability? If yes, please list dates and reasons for going on disability:

Do you have any old injuries that re-surface? If yes, please describe how the injury occurred and how it affects your ability to perform everyday activities:

Have you ever had any major surgeries? If yes, list dates and reasons for surgery:

Have you ever had an STD/STI test? If yes, please explain why and the approximate date of the test:

Have you ever tested positive for an STD/STI? If so, what was the diagnosis and what treatment did you receive?

Please attach a summary of the results of your latest annual physical.

List any major family medical history issues you are aware of:

Work Information:

Employer:

Years at your job:

If less than 10 years, give former employers, the positions held, and reasons for leaving:

What is your favorite aspect about your current job?

What frustrates you the most about your job?

If you could have any dream job, what would it be and why?

What things did you learn from your former job(s) that have helped you excel at your current position?

Where do you see yourself in the next 2 years at your current job?

Do you see yourself working for this employer for the next 5-10 years? If so, what kind of expectations do you have for the position you would be working in and how do you see yourself helping the company move forward in their industry?

Educational Background

High School:

Greatest/Favorite memories from HS:

What you loathed most about HS:

Jobs you worked during HS:

Activities during HS:

College(s) [undergrad], and years attended and degree(s) attained:

Jobs you worked during undergrad:

Activities during undergrad (may include any routine volunteer work on or off campus):

Greatest things undergrad taught you:

Most difficult lessons you learned in undergrad:

College(s) [post-bachelor degree], years attended and degree(s) attained (if applicable):

What was the reason for pursuing an advanced degree?

How did that extra education propel you in your life at that time and now?

If you had the chance, would you go back to school (including trade schools) and if so, what would you study and why?

Current Activities/Interests:

List any current community/civic organizations you attend or are a part of:

List any board of trustees/directors of which you are a member:

What were your reasons/purposes for becoming a part of these organizations?

What are your current hobbies?

Please provide a general (or specific) overview of what your daily schedule is like:

How do you spend your free time?

Coffee, Tea or both and what add-ins do you use (if any):

If you get the chance to have ‘me time’ what things do you do to ‘indulge’ or that are special and solely for your own refreshment?

What music do you normally listen to?

What are your favorite movies?

How many movies have you seen in the past 3 months?

How many hours of TV do you watch per day?

Can you cook? If so, list your five favorite meals to prepare for yourself or others:

Can you bake? If so, list up to five favorite things you enjoy baking.

***Please, when submitting this application, include a reasonable sample of something you cooked/baked. Only one item overall is necessary.

Can you do your own laundry? If yes, how often do you currently do laundry?

How do you clean your dishes?

How often do you vacuum and sweep?

Have you ever hired a housekeeper? If yes, what was the extent of their responsibilities in your home?

Have you ever had a garden? If yes, please list the plants you raised:

Do you know how to can food? If yes, list the foods you have canned before:

What is the extent of yard work that you have performed:

Can you sew (including replacing buttons)? If yes, list the extent of your skill:

Do you own any tools (including power tools)? If yes, please list the tools you own:

Have you ever built anything? If yes, please describe the project and include a photo, if possible.

What were the last 3 items in your home that you repaired?

What was the most difficult repair/remodel job you have done? What were the challenges and how did you overcome them?

Briefly describe your taste in furniture and art:

What is your favorite wine and/or liquor?

What are your greatest fears?

PC, Mac or Open Source and why?

Political leaning:

Stewart, Colbert or The Onion and why?

Suzy Orman, Dave Ramsey or Jim Cramer and why?

What brings you the most joy?

What are some of your favorite words?

Do you have any ‘addictions’?

Old School: Atari or Nintendo?

Relationships:

Date your last relationship/marriage ended:

Please describe the reasons your previous relationships failed:

Now, imagine you are your exes. What would they say the reasons were for the failure of your relationships?

What have the failures in your relationships taught you?

What is the most ‘romantic’ thing you have done for someone? How did that person react to what you did?

What is the most ‘romantic’ thing someone has done for you? Why/How did it touch your heart so deeply?

What personality traits do you have to have in a partner?

What drives you nuts the most about those whom you have had previous relationships?

What went truly well in your previous relationships?

How long was your longest relationship/marriage?

If you do not have children - Have you ever been in a relationship where you were in a father role? If so, describe how that dynamic worked – both what worked well and what didn’t:

Essay (Please be as in-depth as you possibly can be):

1. What was the greatest thing you ever forgave someone for doing to you? How long did it take you to resolve to forgive them? Describe in detail the process by which you became healed of that transgression.

2. In NO LESS than 250 words, lay out who you are in Jesus and what your purpose is on this Earth. Use as many references from Scripture and authors as necessary.

3. In NO LESS than 500 words, give me your thoughts on what the Church should really look like. Use as many references from Scripture and authors as necessary.

4. In NO LESS than 500 words, describe what a Godly marriage is to look like. What is the purpose of marriage? What role does a husband have in a family? What role does a wife have?

5. Describe what an idea relationship between a husband and a wife looks like. Differentiate it from Essay 4 in the aspect of non-spiritual basis. What kinds of things do spouses do for each other? How do they handle communication? What does love between them look like?

6. Have you ever attempted to do a sign, miracle or wonder? What was the outcome?

7. What is your take on the current situation of national security and terrorism? Also describle how Yersinia pestis would come into play in a terrorist event.

8. Describe real love.

9. Describe your hopes and dreams for your future wife and family and how you fit into those dreams and how you would make them a reality.

Embargo

So many words race through my spirit - I try to catch each one.

The message so simple, yet so impossible to teach, but the foundation for all that is to be won.

Words given, tossed away; questions answered, but willfulness remains.

My tongue be bound, the time has not arrived; but agonize when I watch the struggle each day and know I have the key.

So deep the depth of the knowledge unlocked, but who will be courageous enough to traverse this abyss?

A treasure so great it has no value, yet each man a repository of that wealth that shames the coffers of Solomon.

Another day, another heart cry. Another heartbreak for I just want to light the way.

©Kristen Garcia 10/10